Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
