Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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