Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
