Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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