is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
