Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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