She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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