the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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