i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
