I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
