sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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