Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
either way he was missing a nipple.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
