Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
