you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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