Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
