There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
