OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
