I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
