So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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