we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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