Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
