Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
