Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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