Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
