Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
