i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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