Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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