remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
