Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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