Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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