I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
