Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
