You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
