i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
