please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
