I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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