he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
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Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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