I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
