I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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