she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
