this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
