hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
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Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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