I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
