Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
