if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
