Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
