just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
