you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
