That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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