You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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