As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
