Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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