Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
