I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
