I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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