She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
