He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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