I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
