did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I deserve this hangover.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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