So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
