I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
