just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
whose ass print is on the piano?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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