Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
