he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize