Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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