I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
