I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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